Since I didn't know this guy's name, and I wanted to talk about him really badly, the group and I thought of the perfect nickname for our auditorium hottie. The nickname was based on an actor, because we all thought he (obviously) resembled him a lot.
During the next few days my friends and I had classes together, I would always manage to bring him up again. I had to be careful, though. Since I hadn't come out yet (I would only start coming out a year later), I couldn't make it too obvious that I liked this guy in that kind of way. I guess I pulled it off flawlessly. Nobody had a clue (or at least they didn't tell me they suspected something).
His sexual orientation, on the other hand, was brought up fairly soon. While one girl thought he was gay, and the other thought he was not, I rested in the middle; conflicted about what to think. Sure, he sent out some gay vibes. Then again, wasn't that just wishful thinking? Didn't I just see what I wanted to see? As if I was looking at his behaviour through a microscope, overestimating every single hint? I wasn't sure at all. I guess my gaydar wasn't well adjusted at the time.
And so, finding out if he liked boys or girls became part of my quest.
Very soon, we found out we had to write an essay as a group. I kept my fingers crossed. Since the group members were assigned to a certain topic based on their last names, there was a very small chance that he would be in my group...
During the next few days my friends and I had classes together, I would always manage to bring him up again. I had to be careful, though. Since I hadn't come out yet (I would only start coming out a year later), I couldn't make it too obvious that I liked this guy in that kind of way. I guess I pulled it off flawlessly. Nobody had a clue (or at least they didn't tell me they suspected something).
His sexual orientation, on the other hand, was brought up fairly soon. While one girl thought he was gay, and the other thought he was not, I rested in the middle; conflicted about what to think. Sure, he sent out some gay vibes. Then again, wasn't that just wishful thinking? Didn't I just see what I wanted to see? As if I was looking at his behaviour through a microscope, overestimating every single hint? I wasn't sure at all. I guess my gaydar wasn't well adjusted at the time.
And so, finding out if he liked boys or girls became part of my quest.
Very soon, we found out we had to write an essay as a group. I kept my fingers crossed. Since the group members were assigned to a certain topic based on their last names, there was a very small chance that he would be in my group...
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prologue - part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6 - part 7 - part 8
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